By Jaime Granger – MFT, Intern
At some point in their lives, most people will experience a breakup. It’s no secret that intimate relationships often go through ups and downs. Annoyances and disagreements from time to time can be common. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. However, if you find yourself frequently asking yourself if this relationship is right for you it may be time to talk. Break up signs can often be difficult to pinpoint. Here are some indicators that your relationship might be coming to an end.
1. Lack of intimacy
Intimacy plays an important role in relationships. It leads to feelings of connectedness and is a way for partners to solely bond with each other. When one or both partners begin to or have become less interested in engaging in sex or physical touch this can lead to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. This is not to say that if one’s sex life slows down due to longevity or other issues this is unnormal or signaling a problem. However, if you are noticing certain changes in the amount of desire and are no longer turned on by your partner there may be a problem.
2. Feelings of resentment or animosity
You feel frequent annoyance towards your partner and may find yourself displaying this contempt in front of others more frequently. This isn’t saying that if your partner annoys you from time to time this isn’t normal. Frequent annoyance is often noticed when things you used to once adore about your partner or not think twice about are now seen as annoying. If you find yourself thinking the way your partner combs their hair, the way they sound when they talk, or how they take a bite of toast has become annoying this may be a signal that you are losing interest.
3. Communication is less frequent
You and your partner are engaging less and the interest to make an effort towards this has continued to steadily decrease. What was once something you couldn’t wait to get home and discuss has now become less exciting and you are finding yourself to be less expressive towards your partner. If keeping your partner in the loop, doesn’t seem desirable or necessary anymore it may be time to ask yourself why.
4. Increased Arguments
NO ONE gets along 100% of the time and oftentimes couples find themselves disagreeing over finances, intimacy, miscommunications, etc. from time to time. However, if frequent deal-breaker discussions and circle fights (fighting about the same things over and over) have become a regular occurrence it may be time to ask why these fights are happening and reevaluate the relationship.
5. Distance is preferred
It’s common to enjoy alone time and feel content when others are not around. Not having to feel “on” and being able to do as you please can feel relaxing. However, if you find yourself feeling anxious and having thoughts such as “I can’t wait for them to leave and be gone for the day” or are counting down the minutes until you have to be in contact with them again this is not a good sign.
6. You don’t hang out as much
Do you feel as if there has been a switch in regards to how you spend your time? In the past, you couldn’t imagine going to events with anyone else but your partner and now you find yourself exploring who can go instead? If you find yourself making less effort to spend time with your partner due to feeling as if it won’t be as fun or due to a lack of interest this may be an indicator.
7. Changes in goals, beliefs, and hobbies
As time goes on people will often find themselves changing in some capacity. However, when this is not done alongside one’s partner this can feel problematic. The beliefs and values that once used to bring you both together now feel different and it feels as if you are no longer on the same page. If it seems like you both now have little to nothing in common this is something that may need to be explored.
8. Unhealthy interactions
Emotional, verbal, or physical abuse can be indicators of unhealthy interactions within a relationship. If you are also noticing your partner bringing out the worst in you this may be a sign that the health of the relationship has decreased.
9. Lack of Trust
Things have happened and it has been hard to move on from them. Is it hard to feel secure while your partner is out for the night? Are constantly on edge and checking your partner’s phone? If forgiveness has become a thing of the past this often signals the relationship deteriorating.
10. Interest in Others
If you have begun to notice others when you are out and about this may indicate a lack of interest within the current relationship. When one is feeling unsatisfied often the missing qualities are sought out in others. If you have been feeling actively curious or lust towards others it may be time to end things.
If you’ve answered yes to more than half of these, therapy can help to repair and strengthen the connection you have with your partner.
Sarkis, S. (2012, August 13). Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201208/7-signs-you-may-be-headed-breakup
Strada, D. (2019, February 4). 5 Warning Signs your Relationship is in Trouble. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-warning-signs-your-relationship-is-in-trouble/
Howard, L. (2018, June 7). 7 Signs a Breakup is in Your Near Future According to Experts. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/p/7-signs-a-breakup-is-in-your-near-future-according-to-experts-9314143